Award-winning comedian Alfie Brown is back with his first show since the fabric of his reality disintegrated. Alfie separates his failures from his misfortunes and arrives at the conclusion that ‘life is beautiful’. We caught up with him before he brings Open Hearted Human Enquiry to Leicester Square in December.
What’s your most memorable heckle?
“Your voice is fat”. While I would never use this unkind phraseology myself, I was interested to discover that a large portion of Rayleigh, Essex believe me to have the voice of a much larger man.
When in London, where do you go for your pre/post gig food?
Dumplings Legend. The dumplings are incredible; the slightly ungainly grammar is somehow satisfying.
What’s one word to describe the state of the UK?
Mild.
Who’s the best upcoming performer in the country that we haven’t heard of?
I don’t know who you’ve heard of. But Josh Weller? You should have heard. He’s brilliant and he hosts an ok F1 podcast with his charming friend.
Who would you describe as your arch-nemesis?
Camilla Cabello.
When was the time you bombed the most onstage?
A Christmas show in Liverpool, following Paul Smith, not an easy gig. They started doing impressions of Harry Enfield’s Scousers because of my hair; it was weird to hear actual Scousers saying ‘calm down’ and doing the hands. They also called me Ken Barlow because I was wearing white socks.
What’s been your strangest fan encounter?
Some once sent me a packet of their hair. It had a note with it that said ‘she who hairs wins’. I think she must’ve been exceptionally mentally ill.
How do you like to relax after a gig?
I don’t like to relax after a gig. I like to go and ride my ego to Booze-land. But I don’t do that so much anymore. Ever, really.
What’s the one thing you want the audience to take away from your show?
Life is beautiful? Love is king? Alfie is good? Must buy tickets for the next tour? Any of those.
Who would win in a fight: badger or baboon?
Um. A baboon? Much bigger isn’t it. Also there are different types of badger, I assume you mean honey badger, because a baboon would rip an American badger to bits. Honey badgers are mad though. I don’t know. Can we find out? Do you know the answer? Was it a quiz question or you wanted me to tell you?
What’s the oddest thing you’ve overheard in London?
“If it’s giving you that much trouble, maybe try eat more figs, like fuck loads.” I can imagine the circumstances of the conversation, I think the front-footed enthusiasm of this advice stayed with me.
Alfie Brown: Open Hearted Human Enquiry, 6 – 14 December.